GEEZE!

I got animals peeing...and I got women weighing me down!

Responsibility For One's Actions

What did Jeff come home to find? How did he deal with it? That's the key; he didn't!

Sorry

First of all...that last post was way too self depricating and too deep for my taste. I must also apologize for the enormous amount of grammatical errors. It was very late...and very dark. They have since been fixed...at least to the best of my knowledge.

Bored: How Bout Some Philosophy Goodness

I must say; I have no idea why I am writing at this particular moment. I can’t even tell you where this text will end. Call it free thought or call it an impulse, but it is my hope that this will lead to something great and inspiring when it is finished. Part of me wants to compare this to Jerry Macguire’s epiphany, but another part of me screams, “Do you LIKE comparing yourself to fictional characters!”

I am young, irresponsible, and am completely detached from human society. Does that mean that I shrivel up in a corner all day and eat slabs of beef while grunting meaningless nothings? Of course not (Well at least on good days I don’t do that). I am twenty years old and feel like someone three times my age. During my high school graduation, while my peers were screaming and talking about the parties they were going to, I was on the verge of crying. ...Well since I am not looking anyone in the face, I’ll just admit it: I did cry. Quite a bit. How the hell could these kids not realize that “high school” will NEVER happen again for them. I always found it rather funny and ironic that I ended up being the one who tried to savor his high school moments. I hated school much more than your average Joe or Jane. Having said that, I was aware enough to understand that you only live once and you only get one shot. While everyone else “couldn’t wait” for college, I was trying my very best to slow time as much as possible. Needless to say, I failed miserably. Do you ever notice that the older we get, the faster time flies by? As a young child, summer was the equivalent of an ice age. It never ended. By the time I reached my junior and senior year of high school, they were passing by in a blink.

Am I the only one who thinks like this? Do I feel too much? I was once told that I had an old soul. After feeling flattered, I thought to myself, “Is that really a good thing?” Sometimes, I would like to be the carefree college student who drinks all night, complains of headaches in the morning, and studies history material that will immediately be forgotten upon completion of the term. I would like to be the guy at the lunch table who is laughing hysterically with his thirty friends over something that they all know isn’t that funny. Who am I instead? I am that guy who thinks way too much about things that matter way too little. Do you know how many times I have asked myself, “What did he/she mean by that?” Anyone...anyone? Probably 127 times. I am also that guy who talks about taking loner vacation trips into the woods but never does...but that’s another story.

JEFFREY’S CONFUSION FOR 500 POINTS: Why do my knees buckle and why does my mouth turn to cotton when a friend calls me on the phone? Why don’t I pick up? Why have I concocted elaborate systems of getting out of coversations? What kind of concoctions, you ask? Here is an example: When I receive an unwanted phone call from a friend on my cell, I immediately press reject. Realizing that the person will be directed to my voicemail, I then call their cell phone knowing that they will still be on the line. What happens? I get directed to their VOICEMAIL! Now what does this mean, folks? Five words...five words: GET- OUT- OF- JAIL- FREE. Maybe I should explain more. If they call me and I don’t return their call in a reasonable amount of time (which I never do), I have to walk around with guilt and the feeling of a fat man- probably homeless- on my back weighing me down. But if I can call their cell while they are calling me...plausible deniability. I’ll leave a quick message consisting of something along the lines of “Hey. Sorry I missed you but I’ll try to call you later this week. I have a really busy day today.” After hanging up, I immediately turn my phone off. That way, I don’t have to hear the phone ring again and, alas, I am free of guilt. Next week.....I mean month....when I speak to them, I will say “I tried to call you a while back.”

Have you ever gone to a movie theatre and heard a guy laugh when nobody else did? I was probably that guy. Well....probably not...but I am very similar to him. We all like to think that we are the ONLY ONES who get certain types of humor. I am intelligent enough to realize that I am not independent of this form of thought, yet I still find myself laughing when others do not. What do I do when the others are laughing? I’m probably rather serious as I wait for another funny moment.

It is really hard to go through life and truthfully admit to yourself, behind closed doors of course, that you don’t really like others that much. Of course there will always be those we are close to and who are like us. But other than that, I have been quite unsatisfied with my fellow man.

As I began writing songs about these very emotions, I found that many people feel the same way. In fact, a lot of people feel the same way. Actually, I’ll go one further and say that we ALL feel this way; we merely show it differently. Whereas I am more apt to sit and think and council myself as I work through my issues, others prefer to drown their confusions in alcohol, or false happiness, or drugs, or denial. The fact that I choose gloom over substance does not make me better or wiser...only different. On the other hand, I do believe that it gives me greater insight into the human phsyche and, consequently, allows me to write more thought provoking songs. When I say “I” or “me” in a song, you can rest assured that it is not a character or an idea I am speaking of. It is all me.

Why the hell am I so damn sensitive? Why the hell are we all so damn sensitive? The only difference between me and an old confederate flag waving hard ass (probably with loose balls) is that I will admit that I am upset, if only to myself alone. Mr. Confederate can’t show emotion, other than anger, to anyone, including himself. He’ll just eventually chop wood or something. How sad is that? We truly are a product or our parents though. At what point did so much distinction get thrown upon men and women? “Don’t cry at me boy! Be a man!” Although I can’t be sure, I think Hard Ass’s dad probably said something along the lines of that at some point in his life.

As I go back and read what I have written, I think to myself, “Stop talking out of your ass, Jeff.” So I shall stop and rest. Please disregard the preceeding text. Bye- J.

Funny as Loose Balls

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably something you did."

New Obsessions

I've learned something about myself: I obsess. If I decide that I want (or need) something, I have to have it right then and there....no questions asked. When I finally receive said item, I used it nonstop until that part of my brain that decides what is interesting blows up. Take chess for example...very vivid memories of "Chess Up All Night" with my brother...that is...my brother Kel. Atleast seven or eight games a day were played and as a result, we became very good. But sadly to say, after a few years, I lost interest and now only play sporadically. Then there was guitar and recording which I'm happy to say I have still maintained an interest in. After that, Goosebump books...I must have read twenty of those damn books. Today, I find myself reading the very same books that I made fun of a year ago: Harry Potter. Before, I had always viewed these books and movies as a little kid's version of Lord of the Rings...but that is not the case. It was hard to admit at first, but these are extremely good and captivating books that demand attention. For the last week now, I have been telling everyone around me, "Wait for it guys. These books are gonna take off. I guarantee it."


I must cut this posting short for I have a great day ahead of me. Pizza...car....and goodness. Stay safe everyone. By the bye, how many of you realized that in my "Have You Seen Me" posting, I was referencing Kennedy's speech on the Cuban Missile Crisis? A show of hands will be fine.

Have You Seen Me?

In response to offensive remarks left on my Donut posting earlier today, I have directed that the following initial steps be taken immediately. First, to hault this offensive buildup and to cease any further offensive activity, I have ordered that the person pictured above be BANNED from this site. Second, if these postings are continued, I will find further action by myself to be justified. Third, it shall be the policy of this blog to regard any offensive action launched upon this site as an attack.....by said person against myself and my followers....requiring a full retaliatory response.

NEW RESPECTS

I've learned that we can never truly appreciate how brilliant people are unless we barely do what they do. Take Einstein for instance, ...no please.....take him!!! LOL! But let me get serious on you folks; we all understand how brilliant that guy was...but take a look at his math documents and then you really get it. I've always considered myself to excel in the math arena but after looking at one of those books (and realizing that I didn't know what even ONE symbol meant), I slowly realized that, instead of an arena, I was in something similar to a barn. I'm sad to say that I stick with the "EINSTEIN FOR DUMMIES" books...but here is the truthfully sad thing...I have a hard time understanding the dummy books. I guess that old saying about the cow and the horse really is the truth. (balls)

Bon Scott is another of those brilliant individuals. When you aren't trying to replicate his fleshy, scratchy voice, you accept that he has a good voice and that is about as far as it goes. Yesterday, I spent the entire day trying to achieve some simblance of that sound while recording. I was able to get the tracks to sound as good as loose balls (as Kel says a lot), but once the vocal goes on everything falls apart. Kinda like Rudy, I guess I should just accept that some people were made to play like Bon (or be football players in Rudy's case) and I am not one of them. Matt if you are reading this- I wouldn't mind if you came over one day to record the vocals for me. The song has a good "Hail Caesarish" feel to it and just needs a grundgier voice on it. It is called "Toasted" and is about people getting burnt. Zach would probably dance to it.

MYSPACE

MY PROFILE I'll add the new music I do for all you people who won't listen and say you did.

Stealing Donuts: Right or Wrong?

Allie and I have been having an ongoing debate. As the title suggests... is it wrong or right to steal donuts late at night from Kroger? Needless to say, I am a strong supporter of stealing them. At nine o'clock at night, if I don't "inherit" one of these donuts, they will all be thrown into a big trash can where they will be destroyed...mutilated...eaten by homeless losers that don't have homes (or helmets). Allie still insists that it is wrong and scolds me each time. Deep down, I feel that the majority of her anger comes from the fact that the wrapper has to be stored in her purse until we exit the store. There are two advantages to doing this: 1- The wrapper is kept safe and secret; 2- If we are caught, it would be pretty easy to blame it on her. "Look officer", I would say, "The wrapper was in HER bag!" Although I understand her pain, I really need to get opinions on this matter from outside folks. Please respond...please be swift. P.S. I am including a picture of a donut.

XBOX 360

Well, I didn't do as well as I thought...but I still made about $200. What I should have done is put it up on ebay a few days before they were released...that way people would have been more crazy about getting one the day they went on sale. Needless to say, that would have been a premier buttocks if I didn't find one on Tuesday when they came out. With tax, I spent about $440 for the machine and two games. I sold it last night for $640. Also, because I used my rewards card at Media Play, I'll get about $40 in free credit to media play for spending so much. All in all, not a bad investment....not a bad investment, indeed.

R.I.P. Miyagi. For some reason, this really hit me hard. I mean... he trained Daniel, dammit! Really upsetting to hear about.

Update

Well I figured it was about time to make a new post. I know all of you have been restlessly checking back every day for updates. Yesterday, I was informed that Thanksgiving will be held at my tiny one bedroom apartment. This makes a lot of sense though sadly, helmets will not be provided for the dinner. Tonight, I get the joy of knowing that I have to help move Matt...again... bright and early tomorrow.

Still debating over whether I should get the new XBOX 360. On one hand, I wanna be waiting at midnight the night before so I can get one with all the other nerds that don't have girlfriends. Nerds were doing it thirty years ago...new nerds are doing it again. On the other hand, I wanna say, "Screw you guys....I'm going home." (Cartman).

Yesterday, while everyone was trying to fit lunch and dinner plans into their schedule.......well let me put it this way......those lunch and dinner plans were my schedule. I have included photos of said meals. preeche

The future is now

I was just informed that I won't be able to get into The Mercy Lounge to see "Big Gun" play. Dang! Instead, I will stay at home and baby-sit brother Zach. I'm sure we'll have a splendid time.

Earlier today, as I was reading Davis Kidd magazines with no intentions of buying them, I came across the SAE RECORDING INSTITUTE. It is a year long intense engineer training program with a hefty price tag. $15000!! Bollocks! One good thing though- SAE is an accredited school; so fortunately, I will be able to use financial aid towards my attendance. That price still sucks though- but, on the other hand, that includes all text books, an Apple iBook, and Protools LE. I guess ultimately, I'll have to see how much aid I can expect to get before I'll completely know whether I'm going or not. One bonus of going is that they assist graduating students with job placement... which is completely the bomb considering the fact that it would be a major rash to get placed without alumni help-literally (coins).

I upgraded from Cool Edit Pro 2.0 to Adobe Audition 1.5 today. I also ate a really good turkey sub. It was-a-nice (Ali G).

Well good luck to Matt tonight when he reveals his buttocks to his parents for the first time since childhood. Kel- make sure you get a good photo of his hairy butt....and try to get the penis too!!

Mental Health Hotline

Mental Health Hotline

"If you're paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the phone and we'll trace your call." "If you have low self esteem, hang up. All of us are too busy to help you." I don't know why this is funny. But it cracked me up. The guy's voice is so straight and nonemotional. Good things.

Little Nemo: Dream Master

I just went on a long ride down memory avenue. I downloaded a NES emulator and about 800 games. I came across games I had completely forgotten about like Adventure Island, Kid Icarus and Zoda's Revenge. Heather might recognize Little Nemo: Dream Master; she and I used to spend hours playing that stupid game. That crappy music in these games just has a way of bringing you back in time fifteen years or so. Freaky!

Reference

I hate to admit it, but this GUY is really good! It pisses me off. According to his blog, he is currently working with Chris Farrin on a new cd (big big producer) in Nashville. Check out "Supposed to be Beautiful" and "Mystery". Good stuff. Good stuff. ....I don't really have anything else to say at the moment. K Bye

Vintage Warmer

I just discovered a new plugin for all Direct X recording systems: Vintage Warmer. This thing is completely the bomb. Not only does it give your song more of a full and produced feel, but it also applies that warm tone, normally associated with analog recordings, onto your digital recordings. Check it out- http://www.pspaudioware.com.

I'm desperately trying to finish my 2000 word essay for History!! Buttocks! I had to take a break from it for a while though. The best part about these essays is that I have trouble writing ANYTHING about the subject let alone 8-10 pages. Bollocks! I've basically had to go back and reread every chapter so that I can atleast appear to be somewhat knowledgable.

I will be performing at The Family Wash either next Tuesday or the following Tuesday. I'll be posting the exact date on myspace as soon as I receive word. I didn't realize that east Nashville is really booming...lots of new businesses and restaurants and such. It's incredible.....literally (coins). Now that I think about it, there might be one person out of everyone reading this (all 12 of you) who has a clue as to what my "coins" remark was referring to. Ahh yessuh, that's how I like it. K bye

The Number System

I had to write the following essay for my English class about a week ago. It occurred to me some of you might like to learn a bit about the number system as well. BEWARE. If you have no interest in learning about the number system, don't waste your time reading. Thanks and have a great day.



The Number System
Since I was three years old, I have been an avid student and fan of the guitar. Before I could fit my arms around a regular guitar, I had a small plastic green one that I dragged everywhere. In my sixteen years of playing, I have won many competitions and awards for my abilities. The number system, as I have learned over the years, is an essential factor in one’s ability to perform at a professional level.

It is a bit difficult to give a quick written lesson when there isn’t a guitar to help exemplify what I am referring to. When playing songs in different keys, musicians need a chart that will allow them to easily transpose the songs: the number system. Instead of writing chord names, numbers are used- 1, 2,3,4,5,6,7,8 (mostly). If you are in the key of C, for instance, C=1; D=2; E=3; F=4; G=5; A=6; B=7; C=8. If you will notice, after I got to “G”, I immediately went back to “A”. This is because there are only eight notes in a given key: Doe Rae Me Fa So La Ti Doe. Therefore, one would proceed from A through G, and then start over for the continuing notes in the next octave.

In music, chords are determined by these numbers. A major chord is made up of a 1, 3, and 5. Assuming the key of C: 1=C; 3=E; 5=G. (In other keys, the use of flats and sharps would be needed in determining the correct intervals, but that would takes many pages to explain. This knowledge will not be needed for the key of “C”.) A major chord sounds somewhat happy and full. A minor chord, on the other hand, is made up of 1, flat3, and 5. (If you will notice, the only difference between a major chord and a minor is the third being brought down by a half step) In the key of “C”: 1=C; 3=Eflat; 5=G. In contrast, a minor chord will sound a bit dark and bluesy: “Man’s World”, by James Brown, is a prime example of a minor keyed song.

The beauty of the number system is that a musician can very easily transpose between every key using it. If a song were charted out in letter form, the musician would have to take a much longer time recharting it in the new key. With numbers, he can immediately determine the new chords. For example, “II, V, I” is an extremely common progression in music. “Night and Day” is a perfect exemplification of this progression. In the key of “C”, II=Dminor; V=G; I=C. If the singer determines that she would rather sing in the key of “A”, the musician can easily adapt: A=1; B=2; C#=3;D=4; E=5; F#=6; G#=7; A=8. Therefore, II=Bminor; V=E; I=A.

This method may seem to be a bit complicated at first, but ultimately it proves to be extremely useful in the studio and on stage. The most difficult part of learning the number system is being able to memorize what the thirds, fourths, fifths, sixths, are in every key. This ability, unfortunately, only comes with repeated practice. It is helpful to go up a fifth in every key: C; G; D; A; E; B; F#; C#. Next, go up a fourth in every key: C; F; B flat; E flat; A flat; D flat; G flat; C flat. These intervals, after many weeks of practice, will eventually become second nature.

Let me know if you have any questions or confusion to share with me. Thanks

Studio Notes

Well, I went into the studio for the first time yesterday (on my birthday). The enginner I worked with, Bruce Dees, was really helpful and worked extremely fast to get us out quickly. At $75 an hour, every minute is a buttocks. We first started by laying down all the guitar tracks in each song and then continued with the vocals...which went surprisingly well considering I'm not very experienced yet. Bruce Dees was so nice that even called today and left a message saying that he really enjoyed working with us and thought I was extremely talented. Funny though- his enjoyment didn't seem to bring the price down at all. But that's okay, it was worth every penny. If you haven't listened to the three songs I recorded, go to Kel's Page to hear them. Considering the amount of time we had available to record (about three hours), the songs came out sounding extremely good. Check out the harmonies around the chorus of "Sail"; it has a nice Simon and Garfunkle feel to it. I could just kick myself now, because I had originally intended on taking pictures of the studio and Bruce so that I could remember my first time. Ultimately, I guess I won't need pictures...they say you never forget your first time. Just jokes..Just jokes

Thirteen

I just finished watching a fantastic movie:Thirteen. It's about the trials and tribulations that a girl in her early teens may go through as a result of poor parenting, or unavailable parenting. Truely a superb movie...I can't necessarily say that I relate to what she went through, but I'm sure many can. This is why I firmly believe that homeschooling will not provide any better a result for a teenager. At the point where the girl in the movie begins conforming to the druggy-popular kids, the damage had already been done. You have to reach these children way before the teenage years to make sure they have the right tools to handle these types of situations.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MICHELLE. It is 1:00 A:M 2/14 as of this writing. Kudos on the protection of the mouse.

Chuckie Cheese

The whole family got together tonight to celebrate all the birthdays at Chuckie Cheese. The brothers gots me a "Back to the Future" model car and a sleeping bag for the Woods

Towards the end of evening, I began to get the feeling that Michelle didn't truely appreciate the Kennedy biography that I got for her. To be perfectly honest, there might even be a chance of her returning it. If I gain knowledge of this, I will think bad thoughts about Dylan.

Tonight was the first night for the family to meet James, Heather's boyfriend. Nice lad, indeed. He didn't get Michelle or me a present though. ...Not sure what he was hoping to accomplish by doing this.

Heather and her boyfriend, James. 

The "WAYDYS!!! 

I have a flippin math test that is due tonight by 11:55. But is Jeffrey gonna get it done early today? Anyone? Anyone? Nope! Something tells me that I'll be stressing over it around 11:45 tonight thinking "BOLLOCKS"!

In other news, I will be meeting up with the family later tonight to celebrate...four birthdays at Chuckie Cheese. That'll be off the perverbial hook. Needless to say, the kids picked the flippin location because they get whatever the flip they want! While searching for presents for the kids at Toys R(backwards "R")Us, I came across some seriously funny valentine's cards. I'm still trying to think of what to get Michelle for her birthday, although I've already found the bag that I'm going to place the gift in. It has negroes on it.

(Kel's voice)HEY MICHELLE,HOLD ON WHILE I SET UP THE TIMER!

Hey 

Wimbledon

I watched Wimbledon around 4:00 A:M last night....just couldn't sleep. Pretty good I guess, but then again, I always like the movies that that dude makes (Knight's Tale, Beautiful Mind). I'm gonna go into the studio Tuesday morning to record a couple of guitar vocals to at least give people an idea of what I sound like...good or bad.

I rented Jamie Kennedy X: Season 2 the other night. Funny as bollocks it was! Especially the "world's oldest waiter" bit. The part where he rides by and throws the bread on the table is so rich! I'm also partial to the zombie commercial bit....the bit as a whole wasn't that funny, but it doesn't get any better than when Jamie says to the old lady crying for her dead husband at the cemetery, "Listen. He'll be there today. He'll still be there tomorrow. Now leave"! Ahhh man. Good times. Good things

Reissues....Remasters...Dualdisks

I can't stand how movies and music keep getting reissued. I've bought this damn Back in Black album five times now. I'd like to say, "Hey, I'm not gonna submit to the recording industry by buying the new dual disks.", but unfortunately I can't. Once again, I will be spending $14.95 so that I may watch twenty-three minutes of uninteresting special features. Damn.

On a lighter note, I've posted a newer version of "Wonderful" on MYSPACE

At the moment, I am asking myself why I have been staring at a computer screen, on and off, for the last five hours. Why must I click the refresh button over and over only to find that there aren't any new postings? My brother hit it on the nose when he said, "I could accomplish in five minutes what I spend hours doing." Indeed you are right, Kel. Indeed you are right.

The demo we recorded at Direct Image can be downloaded at

HEATHER'S SITE

I've just learned something very interesting and helpful. Although this might be obvious to most of you, it took me twenty years to figure this out: If you study a bit, school is easy. Who would have thought such a thing??

Got a wagon? 

Cousins

I decided that I might like to have a record of my life to review when I am old. Luckily, I am related to the man who created blogging. Thank heavens because my big brother (he likes computers too) was unable to. Speaking of family, I am the last sibling to submit to the online journal frenzy. I also have a myspace account you may view at MYSPACE