Day With Zach

Pimpin Turtle

This is just hilarious.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/09/kinky-turtle-sex.html

Funny Guy Scams Scam Artist

If you feel like a laugh...

http://gearslutz.com/board/showthread.php?t=85719

Just in case you don't catch the references...."flux capacitor" is from Back to the Future ...."dilithium crystals" is a Star Trek reference....

The whole thing is just hilarious...especially how "Nancy" keeps telling the guy about what she did that weekend instead of getting him her money.

The Stolen Grilled Cheese Incident

Watch how, at the very end, I trip as I try to make my getaway.

Message to Kel

Hey Kel...go to images.google.com and do a search for "kel way". Make sure you use the quotations. Brother out.

Mom's Office

It's weird to see mom in this setting. Never seen her like this before. Notice how the Mcdonald's large coke still was right next to her...even in the work place.

Jim and Pam

Can't say that I really enjoyed the premiere episode of The Office. Although watching Dwight ghost kick Oscar was a classic, the rest of the show was somewhat depressing to me. I don't like this new setup of Jim being somewhere else.

Girlfriend Teleports Jeff to the Next Dimension

First and foremost, I want to announce that this is Allie. The same Allie that is dating Jeffrey. I would like to relate a particularly funny event to you all in blogland. I triumphantly embarrassed Jeffrey. It was a lovely autumn afternoon and Jeff decided to take me to the mall...more specificly to EB Games. As we browsed around, Jeffrey admitted to me in a hushed voice that he was only there to buy Season 4 of Star Trek: Next Generation. I detected that he was slightly embarrassed by this and decided to roll with it. As we approached the counter to pay, Jeff didn't put his find proudly on the counter, but waited until the cashier asked if he needed anything. The scene is as follows:

Allie: "Oh, he wants to buy another Star Trek DVD. You see, he has one at home, but he needs a travel copy for the conventions he goes to."

(Jeffrey blushes and mumbles a negation.)

Allie: "Actually, he was looking for Project Runway, but he couldn't find it."

(Jeffrey tries to tell the guy at the counter that I am only kidding.)

Allie: "Oh, Please! You are such a Trekkie! I had to convince him not to wear his Vulcan ears out in public today."

*Meanwhile the cashier is laughing at Jeff and saying that I am just dissing him hard today and for Jeff not to be embarrassed because lots of guys love Next Generation. Jeff then subscribes to a membership where he got a nifty card, a discount, and two totally awesome GAMER MAGAZINES!!!!

Allie: "Uh oh! With those magazines, you will NEVER come out of the bathroom now!"

Jeff, in retailiation, tells me I'm only allowed a small drink at the coffee shop.

As we left, Jeffrey discussed with me that I have been very bad. He was a brighter red than I have EVER seen. Then it happened.

Cashier: "Hey man, have a good day and don't let it get to you! Most trekkies don't even have girlfriends!"

At this point, Jeff put a death grip on my hand and refused to humor me. He later explained that the last time he went to purchase a Next Generation DVD, that same cashier rang it up for him. Also, he tried to go the night before to purchase it, but seeing that the same guy that sold him Season 3 was working again, he decided it was not worth it if he recognized Jeff. This made it even more funny to see Jeffrey's face once he came back the following afternoon. Hoping he would find a fresh face, Jeffrey, to his dismay, saw the same guy.

He also reexplained that he wasn't a trekkie and it is a great show. After this explaination, there was an extended silence. It was worth it.

Update

I made a slight update to the song list for the album. I'm hoping to get started in early December with Chris Forte engineering and Michael Mallicote producing.

"Detached" or "The Quiet Generation"

I will be recording a full ten song cd in the coming months. I'm done with the half-assed crappy recordings I do in my apartment. Expect a finished product sometime around December/January. Track listing as follows:

1. Detached
2. Hard Love
3. Realize
4. Pen and Paper
5. Making Good Time
6. Up Too Long
7. Time
8. Keep the Change
9. Little
10. Sail

I'm still deciding on the title of the cd...It will either be "Detached" or "The Quiet Generation". The album will largely be acoustic with a splash of electric. You may know some of the songs, but they will all sound quite different than you're used to...all except Sail, which stays the same.

Live Long and Prosper

I've lately become obsessed with learning about what will best allow me to live as long as possible. This has led to my use of multivitamins, flaxseed oil (don't like fish), and garlic pills. I recently found this page that has a lot of tips...most notable are: (1)take one asprin every day (2) when you wash your face, let the water dry naturally...don't pad it dry. (3) lots of leafy vegetables eliminate wrinkles (4) ...not sure about the legitimacy of magnetic water yet. Here is the pasted website....



The tips and suggestions given below are deep research and collection of author for the last 30 years in this field. They are most authentic and tested in most of the cases. The suggestions given here can be adopted in your life without any doubt as they don't have any side effect and based on the laws of nature.

Foods
Take food less than your hunger - It has been established through experiments that the life expectancy of a person goes up two times, if his food intake is reduced by 40%.

The Golden gifts of the nature for you:-
Pomegranate (Anar)- Contains all the important minerals and vitamins required by our body
Honey - Collected from flowers, a superb gift from nature.
Coconut water - The water of green coconut lifted from the earth, and after processing at many stages stores the health nectar with great potentialities of health and vigour.
Amla - provides us with many essential vitamins, best for all types of heart diseases.
Bel - the superb gift from nature, highly useful for stomach ailments and digestive system.
Take vegetarian and fibrous foods (All raw vegetables and fruits fall in this category) - avoid fried and greasy food..

Take your meals preferably two times a day- Avoid meals after sunset

Food in less quantity but of high nutritious value can lead to a longer and healthier life..

Include in your daily diet - Curd, Amla, Sprouted black grams, Apple, Honey, Almonds, Soyabeans, Lemon, Raw Onion, Garlic (preferably roasted -avoid raw)

Daily intake of green leafy vegetables in large quantity eliminates the wrinkles on face. There are instances of people having improved their eyesight by eating these only.

Yellow ripe Pumpkin (Sitafal) contains beta- Carotene, as found in Carrots and gives energy to the heart.

Totally avoid Tea and coffee - They contain toxic substances, which damage the liver in the long run. Tea takes approximately 6 hours to digest and plays havoc with the metabolism of the body. Continuous consumption of tea or coffee is said to result in damage to modular oblongata, which links up all body nerves with the brain, and therefore, controls all body functions.

Avoid Sugar as far as possible, it brings Aging, Cataract and Acidity.

Keep fast atleast for one day in a week taking only fruits.

Keep fast atleast for 24 hour in a fortnight taking only water.

Keep fast atleast for a day every month, without water.

Instead of bed-tea take hot water.

Daily drink water kept in a copper vessel overnight, with magnet kept underneath it.

Drink water with Rudraaksha beads soaked in it overnight.

At least three times a week take dry fruits/ nuts like Almonds, Peanuts, Raisin etc.

Keep changing your cooking oils to supply the body with all types of necessary nutrients.

Don’t take salt in excess. Use as little salt as possible. Just observe that any food provided by nature is never salty in taste, it is always plain, sour or sweet. Excessive salt corrodes our body like sea water, which is never allowed to be drunk even if a person is thirsty.

Add following sprouts to your daily diet:
Black grams sprouts - for heart and diabetes.
Moong (Green lentil) sprouts - a general tonic
Methi (Fenugreek) seed sprouts - For activeness and diabetes.
Soyabeans - Contains 9 types of proteins
Wheat grains sprouts- for vitamin E and long life
Bottle Gourd (Ghia) - It is packed with nutrition, and recommended for high blood pressure and urinary disorders.




Food supplements & general tonics
Vitamin B complex is the most useful and effective diet supplement and should be added to your daily intake of meals. It is mostly found in the uncooked sprouts of different grains.

Bio-chemic combination no -28 , which contains all the 12 essential salts for the body should be taken regularly. It is a general tonic and should be taken after meals to prevent common diseases.

Daily intake of vitamin C (Ascorbic acid) increases life span of body.

Remember all dairy products produce heart diseases - try to avoid them or restrict their quantity.

Remember all types of spices produce cardiovascular diseases.


Exercise & Yoga
Human body is like an automobile it needs the following:-

Lubrication - Proper exercise is the lubrication of body, it increase circulation and flexibility..
Battery charging - Solar plexus is the battery of body and is charged through Pranayam, the yogic breathing.

Cooling Systems - Relaxation provides the cooling of body.
Fuel - Proper diet, food, air, water and sunlight provides the fuel for body
Balanced Driver - Mind is the driver of body. It can be balanced and controlled by meditation and concentration

Do light exercises regularly.

Don’t do strenuous exercises like fast running, body building as they increase the metabolism rate of your body

Brisk walking is the best exercise to keep control on diabetes and heart problems

By living at a cold place (Hill stations), the metabolism rate of the body decreases and the age increases

Deep breathing up to the naval and retaining it for sometime helps in increasing the life span of a person

The normal ratio of our breathing i.e. inhaling, retaining and exhaling should be 1:4:2

Keep your posture erect

Try inhaling the breath from left nostril during day time and from right nostril during the night time

Our internal organs are more important as our outer organs in keeping us healthy. So to keep the liver, stomach and lungs etc in a healthy state. Daily walking in the morning and evening is very essential.

It is possible to even reverse the heart problems by not using oil or ghee at all, by taking only boiled vegetables, doing yogic exercises, and by living a tension free life.


Mind, Temperament and way of living
There is no yoga greater than the control of mind.

Keep your mind busy and active with lot of physical work.

Keep yourself happy and at peace - avoid anger and hot temperament

By meditation, high blood pressures, forgetfulness & aging process can be controlled

Keep enchanting the Maha-mritunjaya Mantra in case of health problems.

Take life as it comes, don’t get disturbed by the ups and downs of life. Eat & drink in moderation, have religious faith, work hard and adopt the habit of early to bed and early to rise.

It was the finding of survey done in Japan, that a large portion of centenarians were engaged in the Agriculture or Forestry as their primary jobs.



Miscellaneous
Take hot water after every meals to control the fatness and improve digestion.

Early in the morning, without cleaning your teeth of mouth drink a glass of water so that all the accumulated sliva in your mouth goes back to your stomach. This method in principal is similar to homoeopathy and is used widely in Japan to prolong the life span and cure many diseases automatically.

Mr Morarji Desai, the former Prime-Minister of India resorted to auto-urine therapy when he had tried all types of therapies and failed to get any cure out of them.

After washing your face with water don’t wipe it off. Let it dry itself on the face. It keeps the face skin young and healthy.

Sleep with your head towards south., it helps to improve the blood circulation of body, due to the body’s alignment with earth’s magnetic field.

Sleep with the leg side of your bed higher than your head side. It increases the blood circulation of your body more towards head side. It keeps you young and rejuvenates your body functions.

Take magnetic water -You can prepare it by keeping a glass of water with two magnets, one on top with north pole facing downward and second under it with south pole facing up, kept overnight and drink in the morning.

Daily intake of Aspirin, even one fourth of a 100mg tablet, avoids chances of heart attacks. Aspirin stops the Aging process by keeping the tissues flexible - it is also good for eyes. (Take only with the advice of doctor.)

Daily apply a drop of mustard oil mixed with some water into your nostrils. It is beneficial for your eyes and keeps the breathing passage clear and smooth.

Daily rub mustard oil on the toe of your feet, it helps in the improvement of eyesight.

Smoking, or intake of tobacco in any form narrows down the arteries and restricts the blood circulation.

The secret of Chinese who lived up to 250 Years - Even in modern times there is an instance of a Chinese whose name was “Lichigian” who reached to a life span of 250 years using the great Indian herb called India Pennywort (Brahmi). He said he is regularly using this Indian herb and he has achieved such a long life by regularly using this herb.

Available for the benefit of our web friends - The secrets of people who lived to more than 100 years at very nominal cost through email or in printed form - It also includes the recipes of soups and juices which one must have daily to prolong his life span. A very useful and a must for every one. – Don’t miss the Golden Opportunity as you have only one life to live.

Don't Ride the Break

I never truly understood what this meant, but lately, I've really been getting the hang of it. Downshifting to second gear really allows my engine to do all the braking for me. I just wonder if I'm doing more harm to the increased RPMs being pushed than I am to the brake pads.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/09/who-wants-to-be-a-millionaire.html

Anyone catch the video of the first million dollar winner on WWTBAM? How classic was that to call his dad! I loved it. What a great moment.

Song of the Week

"Over My Head (Cable Car)" THE FRAY

..Not typically into the alternative stuff, but these guys are much better than their peers.

Hello

Hi. Brandon Walsh is the name.

Sorry, Kel

According to Jessica Simpson on "The View": "I am not dating John Mayer." I hate to slam you like this, Kel. Next time, don't question your brother and don't take the word of a "source" over your brother's logic. Preeche. P.S. I'll be expecting a fruit plate sent to my apartment as an apology and as a token of friendship.

Preeche

R.I.P. Steve Irwin

It's sad, but did we not all, at some point in time, say, "He's gonna die one day." You just can't mess with crocs like that! R.I.P. Steve.

John Ain't Dating Jessica

I thought so too, at first. But he posted this on his blog (www.johnmayer.com/blog) along with the statement: "Really enjoying this song right now." I didn't quite catch the reference initially, but now it is obvious.

Fine "Guidos" Dining and Circumcisions

I feel bad right now. For the first time ever, I have left a restaurant having, more or less, not tipped the waiter- unless you call a 39 cent tip a "tip". Let me explain: This bastard waiter at Guido's Pizza in Cool Springs, after bringing Allie and I are initial drinks, completely ignored us for the rest of the night. I spent half of my meal with an empty drink and then had to wait an additional fifteen minutes for him to come by to give us our check. I was nearly to the point of getting up and walking out because of the frustration. It also doesn't help when you see the only other waiter coming to his tables dozens of times throughout your meal, yet you NEVER see your waiter. The crazy thing is that I feel bad about what I did...I hurried out of that restaurant like there was no midnight....even to the point of sacrificing leftover spaghetti that Allie left on the table. As we walked out, Allie said, "Shoot, we forgot the to-go box." "Dammit Allie! Now we can't go back and get it. He's read the note and seen the tip by now. Just leave it."

You might have noticed that I used the word "note". This is because, yes, I did leave our boy a note.

Total=$16.71
Amount Left=$17.00
Note= "We are both servers (I fudged a bit on my part). If you would actually serve your customers, you would make good tips. Thanks for the refill by the way."

As we got into our car, minus said to-go box, I waited for a bit, sneakily watching through the restaurant window. I needed to see his reaction to the advice and the 39 cents. Although I never did see him, I think he learned his lesson. I thinks it is sometimes a chain reaction when a server sees younger people sit down. He probably thinks, "Damn, kids. They won't tip. I will just ignore them and do my side work." We think, "Damn. This waiter hasn't waited on us at all. We won't tip him." ...It just keeps going on and on like this with every table. Someone stop the chain! Stop it, man!

The sad thing is that because of our terrible meal and serving, Allie and I deduced that this white Cool Springs boy is a product of his rich parents and has never worked more than a four hour shift in his life. He also has no work ethic and is a bastard. In actuality, he probably found out that a grandparent had just died and spent the duration of our meal in the back crying. We will never know the truth. Yet, as always, I left feeling like I was the bad one.



On a lighter note, I received my cirumcision form from Kel from when I was a baby. Did anyone notice that next to length, it said 20 and a half. Yes, I'm big. Probably the biggest one in three counties.

The Office

Speaking of getting emotional (see previous post), anyone see the Office's "Pam-Jim" montage-preview on NBC? How do we get so connected to these characters almost to the point of tears. ...Can't wait for Season 3.

5 Most Special Movies

My five...in no particular order. These are the five that first came to my mind. Maybe not my favorites.

1. Good Will Hunting (If only for the takedown in the bar; "Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter?)

2. Contact ("In time, you'll make another move. Small moves, Elle")

3. Back to the Future ("I'd like to get that in writing." 'Yeah, me too.')

4. Shawshank Redemption ("There's a river of dirty money flowing through this place")

5. Rocky IV ("Adrian always tells the truth. Maybe I can't beat him. Maybe, I can take everything he has."


Your turn. Don't diss me for Rocky IV. Anyone that doesn't get emotional watching that movie deserves to have pee placed on their head.

Snapshots

I thought it would be fun to, every month or so, update my current media interests. It would be nice if everyone reading this would post a comment with their current interests also. Here are mine.

"Song Stuck In Your Head": "Slow Dancing In A Burning Room", John Mayer

"Favorite Recently Read Book" "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince", J. K. Rowling

"Favorite TV Show of the Year"(Tie) "Project Runway" & "The Office", Bravo and NBC, respectively

"Most Repeated Movie Watches of the Year" "Rounders", Matt Damon, Edward Norton

"Favorite Take-Down Line" "Tell someone, 'You have something in your nose'...then immediately walk away."

"Looking Forward To" "Nintendo Wii and new Zelda"

"Last returned item" "Digital Camera returned after rented for Disney World vacation"


...Now your turn.

Song of the Month

Check out "Slow Dancing In A Burning Room" off of John Mayer's new album, "Continuum". This is one of the best songs I've heard in a long time. Reminds me of everything that I like in music...very beautiful.

Of course, my new song, "Pave the Way" is much better. This song just rocks. No one is gonna tell me that they don't like it...no matter what music they like.

Pimp

Once upon a time, Kel and I were forced to leave a movie theatre because some Chinese punk was practicing ghost punches..eventually intended for our faces. Click the link below and you will see what our Chinese friend ended up doing to a pimp. That could have been us!

http://ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/karatechop.html

Kingda Ka

When Kel and I boarded the coaster for Top Thrill Dragster (scared as balls can be), we thought we were about to ride the highest, fastest, and scariest ride available. Unfortunately, it seems that Six Flag's "Great Adventure" is thirty feet higher and 8 mph faster. As Karate Kid's nemesis says, "Second place is no place." It looks like we'll have to plan a trip soon to scale this new unchartered mammoth. I'm thinking four people this time. Allison, me, ...and any two other people.....or four if we can get. Maybe J, A, K, M.....or J,A,Ma,A.....or J, A, M, K....J, A, H, K ......I'd even love to get mom and Damon on this son of a beast. What do you guys think?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingda_Ka

Three Disney Pics

The third picture was stolen via "digital picture of tv screen." I ain't paying $15 for a picture!

Donkey Buttocks

If this guitar could talk, it would say go to Jeff's Myspace and hear his two new opposite sounding songs. (See link)


Poker night was pretty much a success. I'd like to do it once a month...maybe a different game every month.

More Disney Photos

The spacecraft from "Flight of the Navigator" (How cool is that!)

The motorcycles from Indiana Jones

Jeff posing for picture at "Sci-Fi Cafe"

Me in front of "Thunder River"

Allie inside the "Pirates of the Carribean" ride.

Disney World

We decided to go at 10:00 in the morning, Monday; by 5:45 P:M, we were on a plane.
Mickey Mizouse

"Thunder Mountain Railroad"

"Sci-Fi Cafe" (Lunch at MGM Studios)

Allie next to barrell

First Part Of "The Haunted Mansion" ride.

Rocky

Do you guys have any idea how excited I am about this movie!!!? I will be at the theater opening day, December 22nd.

Miscellaneous

I have a few things to talk about today.

First off, "Gun" is one of the best games I've played in a long time. I don't remember the last time that I sat for five hours straight playing a game. If you haven't played this, get it...it rocks!

Second, doesn't this Middle East war stuff suck!? It is really getting scary. It seems that every day I turn on the tv, something else has happened; katrina, forest fires, Iraq, Israel and Lebanon, etc. I don't even want to turn on the tv anymore.

Speaking of not wanting to turn the tv on, here are my new favorite shows:

1. "Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D-List" (BRAVO) ...this woman is hilarious
2."Project Runway"; call me gay because this focuses on clothing designers, but the show is strangely addictive. It's refreshing to watch a reality show based on talent. Really good show.
3." Family Guy"; I've known about this show for a while. If you haven't seen it yet, watch it. Funniest cartoon ever, it is.
4. "Something Chef": I can't think of the full name.....but this show is really good too.

Anyone see the new 2007 Toyota Yaris? These things are nice...and cheap! Invoice is just over $11,000. I might be checking these out more.

"Fun with Dick and Jane" sucked! I couldn't believe Kel when he said it, but come on!!! Sucks!

Kel, Matt, you wanna go see "You, Me, and Dupree" Wednesday afternoon? Looks pretty funny.

Just Our Luck

The above photo is probably the last pleasant moment of our short lived camping trip. This trip (Today is Thursday) has taken so many strange turns. It originally started as a camping trip filled with hiking, reading, and fire building. That lasted for about two hours until the rain came. I guess I made the tent wrong because we were soaked while trying to sleep for the entire night. Like this wasn't enough, later into the night, Allie and I woke up to a huge light going back and forth in our area, as if someone was searching our site. This is not something you want to wake up to at 1 in the morning. It turns out that someone just had an extremely powerful flashlight and it kept sweeping our campground. The next morning, instead of hiking on soaked soil, we decided to go into Helen, a local town, to spend the day. Being utterly exhausted from lack of sleep the previous night, we decided that we should just check into a quaint hotel for the night and come back to the tent the next day. Maybe this was a waste of money, but you have to remember that we had no sleep and spent the entire night wet. You would think that this would have been a good idea. Unfortunately, this was not the case. See picture of said hotel.....




...disgusting.....disgusting. I personally enjoyed the red carpet, the terrible entertainment center, and the outdoor white table disguised as a dinner table. You should have seen the bathroom. The next morning as we headed back to the campground- by the way, it poured that night too- we got to our tent...and felt really depressed. Although neither would admit it, we both wanted to leave.

Two hours from home, as I became more and more completely lost on backroads, I made one last try for "happiness"....looks like I'll be doing this twice in the next month or so with brother, Kel.




...I'll let you know tomorrow, when we go, if it rains or not. That would seal the day if it did.

Best "Just Kidding" Ever!

The other day, while buying a few more supplies from Walmart for the camping trip, something strange happened. I went to the cashier to pay; she bagged our items (slowly) and I reached into my wallet to pay. Afterwards, she handed the two bags to me and, what I realized a few minutes later, one additional bag. I can only assume that somebody returned a few small miscellaneous items and the cashier accidentally gave me that bag of items. As we walked to my car, I realized I had an extra bag. As I looked into the bag, discretely, I found two pairs of 3 year old sized shoes, some dishwashing detergent, and some colored thread for needle work. The fact that all these items were so random gave me and idea....a wonderful idea! I thought to myself, "Hey man, Allie doesn't know about this. How often have any of us been given an extra bag of stuff we didn't purchase? Probably, never." Ding Ding Ding...a light bulb's silhouette comes over my head.
Casually, as we get into the car, I say, "Now don't get mad at what I'm about to tell you."
"What?", she says curiously.
"I don't think I've ever done this with you around, but I honestly believe that you need to do things like this to keep your body and your "rush" alive and well."
"What did you do?", she once again asks.
"You promise not to get mad?" (I've learned that stretching things like this out make for a much more dramatic climax.)
"Sometimes, when I go to places like this, I take things."
"....You're joking.", she hesitantly says.
"No I'm not. It's not like I'm trying to profit from it. I take random cheap things that don't matter to me. It's not a greed thing."
"....Yeah right, Jeff."
"Fine, look in the bag.", I say as I desperately try to hold back a smile.
She looks into the third bag and gasps. Instead of saying anything, she just stares at me with a "I can't believe you just did that" sort of expression.
"Allie, you have to do things like this!! It keeps you young! Do you really thing I want little kid's shoes and thread? I just grab random things for a rush. Don't get mad!"
As we pull out of the parking lot, Allie, with a very angry expression, jolts open the passenger door and begins to throw out the Walmart bag.

"...Wait...Wait...Wait!! I'm just kidding!"

I enjoyed this prank just about more than anything I've ever done. What a perfect setup.

Rest In Peace

This photo, taken in the 1940s (color later add), is the last remaining photo of Jeffrey Way and Allison Peterson. In a freak car accident one Sunday evening on their way home from "Family Bingo Night" at the local Baptist church, Jeffrey found himself minus a thigh. Allison, on the other hand, managed to use Jeff as her shield, thus avoiding all harm in the wreck. There has been speculation that her ear wax problem flared up shortly afterwards. To add further dismay to an already terrible story, Jeffrey, in what seemed to be a "fluke" accident, stabbed Allison with that which remained of his lower thigh: a protruding bone. Although Allie fought for her life, it seemed that her fate was sealed. Jeffrey, unable to live his current life any further...... .....moved to Mexico where he lived the rest of his days writing songs of a more morbid nature and eventually widdling prosthetic thighs for a living. At the end of each evening, as all the townspeople returned to their homes, Jeffrey would quietly, yet efficiently, enjoy the "fruit off the tree."



Allison's Note, later added: "I would like to add that, these are not the actual events that took place. There was indeed a wreck. A plane wreck. Allison and Jeffrey were flying to an undisclosed location when a bird flew into the plane's propellor causing the plane to crash. Jeffrey was knocked unconscious for days. Allie, on the other hand, handled the wreck like a real lady. You see, she takes her vitamin supplements daily allowing her to have landed unscathed. The earwax also encased her as a protective barrier. While awaiting for Jeff to come to over those many hours, she grew hungry. There was no food anywhere to be seen and rescuers would not arrive for a long time she knew. Sooooo. Yes...cannibalism. Yet, something was terribly disturbing about munching on one's own toes. Allison knew that Jeffrey would sacrifice anything for his beloved. All that was left of his upper left thigh after her brunch was a protruding bone. It was tough. Not the events...but the meat. She was able to keep warm. Jeffrey doesn't wipe, so she used all the extra toilet paper, found in the cargo space, to wrap herself up for warmth. When her love awoke and saw a full, satisfied girlfriend, he went mad. Allison tried to plead for her life and offer some leftovers of his own toe she managed to save in some tupperware. Jeffrey stabbed Allie with his bone. Shortly after, they were rescued and fully recovered. The relationship did not recover. Jeff found a nice prosthetic thigh that always seemed to be a problem during summer, around small dogs, and with the ladies. He is living in an undisclosed small town widdling fancy legs and songwriting. Allie moved to Mexico where she continues to enjoy the "fruit off the tree." ...and an occasional leg-o-man.

Everyone Once in a While, Someone Needs a Whopper

www.myspace.com/thegiants ...Listen to "Mama's Room". If you don't love this song, you deserve to be shot by my BB Gun.

I'm currently reading "Rich Dad's Prophecy" about how the biggest stock market and economy crash will happen in the next ten years; ...not sure what I think about this yet. I'm not a big fan of the books that instill fear in people while simultaneously profiting off of them. For now, it is just curious reading for me.

Guitar Center is no longer selling Elixir guitar strings...RASH!! They are trying to upsell these D'Adario (sp?) to compensate, but those just suck! Do not buy them.

I Will Kill You

Yesterday, Allie and I decided to go to Walmart in order to prep for the camping trip -a week away still- but it's fun to prepare for this stuff. I find I enjoy prepping more than I do the actual event...similar to attending a screening of "Beloved" for the simple purposes of being there, having coke and popcorn (courtesy of brother, Kel), and viewing the previews. As we were shopping, I imagined a bad guy coming after the girlfriend and me. Now Chuck and Richard (biceps left and right, respectively) are pretty strong and can do some serious damage, but just in case, I bought a BB Gun for protection. When previously mentioned robbing bastard comes after us, I will be able to raise my BB Gun at him and slowly turn it sideways, ala American History X guy, and say, "I don't think so, man. I have a gun."

On a different note, I'm thinking of taking a break from music. I get so sick of listening to wannabe musicians talk about how music should be. How talented or untalented they are is completely beside the point. I'm sure some of these people are far beyond me, but why do they have to let every single person in the world know that they are "musicians". It is really irritating to me. "Music is an art that should be expressed fluidly via throat and finger cooperation." !!! I actually hear and read this garbage. It is so nice to come across somebody's Myspace page that says, "Listen, I hope you like it. Thanks." That is so much more appealing than some loser band describing the "vehicle" that allowed them to become so deep into the music. And they always want to describe themselves in third person for some strange reason. When we look at the bottom of the page and it say, "Unsigned", I am going to assume that you yourself are writing your bio. ...I'm beginning to realize that I sound like Michael Savage (not Fred's brother), but that stuff really gets to me. In all honesty, it makes me want to persue something entirely different, like finance. The lifestyle just isn't for me...staying up till morning drinking and "getting into the music" building bonfires, sitting in unbelievable debt, trashing "this administration" as they live off undocumented tips (I do this too, but I at least appreciate that I don't receive much say as a result, and referring to jam sessions as "gigs"....and the sun shining on my face...

Milk Allergies For You and Me

An allergy is caused when an allergen (for a list of other common allergens click here) enters our body system. The symptoms of a milk protein allergy fall into 3 types of reactions:

Skin Reactions:
Itchy red rash
Hives
Eczema
Swelling of lips, mouth, tongue, face or throat
Allergic "Shiners" (black eyes)

Plus, I notice that after I have a milk shake or something similar to that, I feel really sick for about fifteen minutes. Do you notice that too, Kel?


Check out My Myspace for my new song: "Just Another Game". It's fun for the whole family.

On a side not, "Cars" is worth seeing for the simple fact that it is the most beautiful digital movie I've ever seen.

I Don't Have Much to Say

Cars was a really good movie; maybe a bit long for the younger kids and it is a bit on the adult themed side, but still very good. Quite funny too.

The Omen is the funniest and scariest movie I've seen in the last few months. If you go see it, pay close attention to everything Damien does. That kid is hilarious.

Zachary has thought up some hilarious jokes. Here are two redneck jokes:

"You might be a redneck if you find poop on your floor...and you spank yourself."

...pretty funny for a 6 year old.

This might be my favorite because I have no idea what it means:

"You might be a redneck if you think a popsicle is a hidden message."

-k bye

Theatre Boy Making $5.25 Hits On My Woman

What is it about lowly losers at movie theatres that feel the need to hit on my woman. Last night will make the fourth time I have had to deal with it; let me explain. Allie decided to take me out for a movie last night as a way of saying thank you for still staying with her despite the ear wax problem that we are all aware of. As we get to the concessions counter, I order a large coke and my woman, for some strange reason, decided to order nachos. - For the time being, I will avoid discussing her reasoning behind this choice.- As she pulled out her wallet, a 15 year old foreign kid raises his hands, making the "I didn't do it" gesture, and says, "I can't do that for you. He should do it." Now part of me wanted to snap at him and say, "Hey, how does it feel to net less than five dollars an hour." But alas, I decided to play the loser boyfriend role: "I'm still trying to find a job.", I say to the young lad. Later, after the foreign boy-we'll call him Juan- returned with the nachos, he asked Allie, "Would you like any jalapenos with your nachos?" She denies...and what does this bastard say!!?? "Yeah, you're hot enough already." I didn't actually hear this because I was still talking about applying for a job at Kroger if they'll have me. Allie told me later on the way to the theatre. Can you believe that! And as far as he is concerned, I took it up the butt. He didn't know that I didn't hear him. This almost ruined the entire movie for me. Something very similar has occurred on our last three outings to movies. Strangely, they all somehow revolve around me being a loser and Allie getting hit on. I could get mad at this stuff and start a fight, or I could just play the complete loser that makes these boys think, "What is she doing with him."

Click on my "My Music" tab; this song is about as truthful as I can be. This is the best thing I've ever done. I don't do many lyrical songs, so listen up.


Pen and Paper
I'm alone once again
Another failed attempt
Oh what's the use
Is it all just a game
Some foolish game
We're meant to lose
Always end up right back here
Oh talk about de ja vu
Holding my guitar
The same way I held a girl

With a pen and paper
Ending you and me
A pen and paper
Ending you and me

Imagine for a sec
That with a pen
I'd rewrite my past
And all those painful memories
Swept away into the sea
And you would still be right next to me
Whispering I love you in my ear
And all would be forgiven
And I won't be forgotton

With a pen and paper
Changing history
For you and me
A pen and paper
Changing you and me

I can lie for a while
Live in a world
That is one step off
'Cause when I read my poetry
Life ain't so hard for me
The hurt is gone
It isn't such a healthy thing to do
But don't tell me what to do
'Cause I've been waiting on a phone
A ring that'll never come

Chorus


...On a lighter note. Online Mario Kart DS rocks. Bye

Sunday, June 04, 2006

"UMBRELLAS IN THE RAIN"

My new favorite song of the week is "Umbrellas in the Rain" by Teitur. It is off of his new album that hasn't officially been released in the United States. It's got a cool Radiohead-Josh Rouse feel to it. Check it out....you'll probably have to get it off of a P2P site.

New Blog

I've updated my blog to look current with the times (nature). Thanks for your time.

MSN MONEY TIPS

Since we’re not Mr. Spock, savings tricks can prove mighty helpful. Here are some of the things MSN Money readers say they do to get themselves to put aside a little extra (www.msn.com).





"Pad your accounts. If you use personal finance software, you can just enter a check to yourself for $300 -- or $500, or $1,000, or whatever you want your pad to be. The check needn’t actually exist or ever be cashed, but the software will treat it as an outstanding obligation and deduct it from your balance."

Jeff's Thoughts

This is lame. Is this not simply another way for people to misbehave when it comes to their checkbooks? "I'll write a fake check that makes me think I have less money. That way, when I overspend and bounce a check....I only think I did. Thanks, "fake check". Just lame. You're fixing the sympton, not the illness. (Thanks for the call)

“What I have done is to add $300 to my checking account, but not include it into the balance,” wrote Gregory Hannon, a utilities administrator for the city of Longview, Wash. “Basically, the money is hidden. . . . This is my way of making sure that should it happen that I write a check without the funds (according to the checking account balance), then I know I am covered."

Jeff's Thoughts

Call me stupid, but isn't this the exact same suggestion..just reversed? Either way, this is lame.

"Cull your bills. Here’s a twist on the classic savings tip of dumping your change in a jar: set aside certain denominations, such as fives or tens, whenever they make their way into your wallet."

Jeff's Thoughts

This is actually a good idea. I do this a lot. It is a nice way to go out to dinner or change your oil without having to feel fire on the backside of your britches.

"Realize your rebates. Several posters recommended saving the money you get from rebates, shopping sales or using coupons and club cards at grocery stores."

Jeff's Thoughts

Oh, come on! If you want to save money, just save it. Why do people have to plot out these elaborate saving plans. When you get a paycheck direct-deposited into your account, setup a separate savings account or money market fund that automatically transfers X percent on the day of your deposit.

"Grocery stores tend to make this easy; they often print on the receipt exactly how much you saved. You can transfer that exact amount to a savings account or, if you still write checks, you can make one out for the amount of the savings and deposit that -- or simply round up."

Jeff's Thoughts

Good lord; these people are creative. I guess whatever gets you saving is the key. In the last few years, I've read A LOT of finance books. Lately though, I've realized that I'm basically reading the same book over and over. This stuff just isn't that hard to do. It reminds me of all the different diet books. In the end, what is the real way to lose weight? Don't each so much and exercise. How do you save? Save your money.

Christianity and Harry Potter

"…It is neither absurd, nor laughable, to suppose that the Harry Potter books might lead some children into the world of occultism since the series contains actual beliefs and practices associated with witchcraft and paganism, including: divination, astrology, numerology, familiars, pagan gods/goddesses, spellcasting, potions, necromancy (i.e., communicating with the dead/ghosts), mediumship/channeling, crystal gazing, palmistry, charms, arithmancy and magick…" (p. 173; Harry Potter and the Bible).


...This stuff makes my blood boil. What is it about well received books or other media that attract so much criticism? Jealousy maybe? Who knows. The quote above is from a book called "Harry Potter and the Bible"; the author, Richard Abanes, references all the ways in which Harry Potter has created a cult for future witches and wizards. Even as I write this, I take a brief second to giggle. Somebody should tell this guy that jealousy, or envy, is a sin. The crazy thing is that more and more people are jumping on board this "Harry Potter bashing wagon". The irony is in the fact that the majority of these losers have never even read the book. One woman, a member of the DOC (Daughters of the Church), slashed the novels and is currently on a crusade to have the books taken out of all school libraries. Instead, she recommended that novels such as "Lord of the Rings" and "The Chronicles of Narnia" be emphasized instead. Geeze! No witchcraft or weirdness there! After being interviewed, she admitted that she had, in fact, never read the books. So, it would be safe to assume that she plagiarizes the words and ideas of her pastor and deems them as her own. Does she have any thoughts of her own on this matter or does she just enjoy being a sheep following the big black dog?

Lets totally disregard the fact that J.K. Rowling has single handedly jump started active reading for millions upon millions of children...and adults for that matter. Lets totally disregard the fact that the books are about good triumphing over evil. Lets totally disregard the fact that the story is unbelievably engaging. No; we should only focus on brief instances in the books where Harry might talk back to a teacher or tell a lie. Oh lord....he is taking an astronomy class. Devil's work! The fact that Harry and his friends are wizards are merely a vehicle to get people curious and reading the books. The real theme of the novels are about goodness and sacrifice...kinda like the stuff Jesus did.

Did we not all grow up with "The Wizard of Oz"? Why are the fanatics not working to get that thrown out? Witchcraft? Yes. Disobeying and lies?? Yes. Careful Dorothy, the DOC may be after you honey.

I think the head of the cultural arts division for the Vatican said it best when he stated:

"I think the people that try to find the devil in Harry Potter are the very people who find the devil in everything, and that is not a good way to live your life."

-Jeffrey

This is so Cute

Nintendo Stock

Time to buy some juice....

Famitsu.com polled its readers from 5/15 to 5/18 on four key questions related to all the big E3 announcements. The site used 294 responses to come to the following figures.

Responding to the question of which hardware has their greatest interest, 68.8% said Wii. PS3 grabbed 21.0%, ahead of Xbox 360's 7.2% and the DS's 3.0%. All hardware, current generation and next, was included in the survey.

A bit more directly, Famitsu asked survey takers which hardware they expect to win the next generation race. The Wii won this vote at 73.0%, with PS3 coming in second at 22.6% and Xbox 360 getting 4.4%

Slap Guitar and Politics

Here is an update on some of the guitar stuff I'm working on right now. This guy is so good. I almost have it down too....couple of more weeks maybe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIb2mXKKzi8

To document this date: Today will be Zachary's first "last day of school". Let us all be thinking of how good that must feel and drop him a line at zacharymedic6@yahoo.com.

I found myself yesterday getting into an online argument with an old friend over politics. That stuff is just evil! Anyways, he was being the typical raging college liberal attacking the republican president because he was raised to do that very thing. We can't attack him for this; most people are, to some extent, exactly the same way whether it be in reference to religion, politics, or fruit. I found it hilarious that this college kid, who pays no taxes at all, was eviscerating the president for proposing tax cuts again. Now obviously, whether or not these tax cuts actually stunted the economy's recovery is debatable. I noted that it is quite possible that the reason our economy didn't crash as badly in 2001 as it did in the 30s could very well be a product of those said tax cuts. Never-the-less, this could be discussed further. It was his view that since we are slashing funding for so many programs, such as education, we are in no place to receive tax breaks. Although this is very true and I tent to agree with it, I can't help but hold the viewpoint that, because I am a driver livings off tips and am, consequently, paying virtually no taxes at all, I have absolutely no say in anything when it relates to taxes. Thirty years from now when I have made my first million, I would love to have back some of the money that me and my millionaire peers (97% of taxes paid by us) paid in. I would also like to step on the lowly college boys who want to take my preciously hard earned money away from me while they continue to pay nothing and plagiarize their professor's words. You see, in this country, we reward the lazy and penalize the hard-working. At least for my lifetime, it has always been this way.

"Hey Marissa, you worked your tail off through high school and got into college. Here is your $40,000 bill." - - "Hey Sandrika, you did nothing in high school. Welcome to college...all expenses paid....and by the way, here is a little spending money for you and your baby."

Now if most millionaires were simply those who inherited large sums of money, the idea that they should have to give a bit more could be more understandable. But considering the fact that 70% of all millionaires are first generation.......that simply means that they WORKED while the rest of you were playing the lottery. Who better to penalize than the best of our country.

Jeff-Zach Discussion

jeff_way@yahoo.com wrote: Hey Zach,
>
> I thought we could go to a celebratory movie after your
> last day of school on Thursday. Would you like to do
> that? We can still go bowling that night. You pick the
> movie and the candy.
>
> Bye,
>
> Jeffrey
>
zachmedic6@yahoo.com wrote:

Look man, I've a plethora of school-related demands
> this week. Can we move it to next week? I'm just
> under alot of pressure and mental torment right
> now.... Im sure you understand.
>
> ZachM.
>

Although I highly suspect that mom or Heather had a hand in this, it was still funny. To imagine that coming from a six year old! Reminds me of something Stewie would say.

By the way.....Family Guy is the funniest cartoon I've ever seen. Ten times funnier than Southpark. Good times.

Go Home Homeboy

Props to Gammy for discovering this gem.

http://www.stupidcollege.com/items/I-Want-My-Money

P.S. (Not You Sophie) : Check back in a day or so for an India Arie update. I should be meeting with Shannon, aka. jivetalker, on Thursday.

P.P.S (Not You Sophie): Since everyone and their sister is obsessed with this show, "Lost", I decided to check it out. The first episode is pretty intense. I am highly considering buying the season...but 50 b's!! Anyone see it that would like to share? Does anyone even read this god forsaken blog?

I'm Here About a Horse

Allie and I will be spending the day together today (Friday). But somehow, it seems that we're doing her errands. Strange. She doesn't realize this yet, but I am going to steal ten dollars out of her purse when she isn't looking for restitution...or reparations (whichever fits better).

The condo people suck.

Thanks for RSVPing.

I'm having moral dilemmas about whether to drain the juices out of "Trash's" balls. My gut just tells me this is just wrong...but my eyes tell me that I don't wanna see him humping anyone else. K bye

Delay

Well it looks like it is going to be a couple more weeks before I can move into my condo. My lender couldn't get all the closing stuff ready in such short notice. We're now looking at a mid-May move-in. I'm now facing that sticky situation of whether or not I should inform my work that I'm not moving this week. I had asked off the entire week so that I wouldn't have to worry about it...but I think my move-in will be taking "much longer than I thought".

Last week, I had the fun of watching my dog, Trash, try and hump my friend, Michael. I swear this guy has dog-attracter aftershave on. Alas, I will have to neuter the poor boy. Part of me feels that it is just wrong....but at the same time, ...enough humping already!!! I'm your father, dammit!

Everyday, the desire to buy a Suzuki motorcyle and drive the backroads on a long road trip...probably near trees and stuff, becomes more powerful. Even now, I am considering putting the computer away and going out and buying one. What keeps us from doing these things??! Maybe it is because, deep down, we know what the reality would be....."Crap....I'm two hundred miles from nowhere, I'm tired, I'm cold, and I wanna watch The Office."

I'm working on some new songs...but they all sound the same. I need to be working with a band so I can experiment with different sounds. Right now, I'm stuck with the acoustic rhythm.

For all those interested, Zach and I will be having a guys day all tomorrow (Tuesday). Movies...lunch...and probably some good jokes could be expected. Feel welcome to come and enjoy the laughter...RSVP requested.

Jeff at 15: "Lee, you're such a loser. Harry Potter is for little kids, you dork!"
Jeff at 21: "I've pretty much read all of the books and am considering possible story twists in Book 7."

....just thought I'd throw that in there. Lee, if you ever read this....I'm sorry man. I never actually made fun of you to your face....but there were probably a couple quiet jokes made while you were reading.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/magic/manillus.html

...this amazes me every time. I've even tried covering up the screen to see if it was somehow a reflection. Blink your eyes in a rapid tempo if you don't see it at first.

Home Owner

Well....on April 30th, 2006, I will be closing on my first home...condo to be exact (Mine is the one on the right). The stress of buying something this huge is that the worry out-ways the enjoyment...big time! This is stressful! I had to read a bunch of "home buying" books just to be able to slightly understand the whole process. Then, add the fact that everyone is trying to take advantage of you because you're a kid and you have a stressed guy. I'd like to have a housewarming party sometime in May in which everyone is invited.



In other news, I've posted two new songs on Myspace. (www.myspace.com/jeffjordanway). I think one of them, "Realize", is the best thing I've ever done.

In other news...unrelated....I purchased "Project X" off Amazon about a week ago. I forgot how good that movie is...damn good. And the soundtrack is worthy of Heather's taste. Great Great Great.

-k bye.

This stuff is Painful!

Just imagine that you are this guy!

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/runawaytire.html